moving...

I am moving my blog to...

http://maebh93.wordpress.com/

Please come and visit me there.

much love!

I'm a loser baby!

So, I watched the season finale of the Biggest Loser and have to admit I teared up. It is soo uplifting to watch these people completely reshape their bodies. I am glad Ali won. She worked so hard, especially considering she was voted off the show only a few weeks into it and still kept at it at home to earn her spot back at the camp. I wish I had the opportunity. I would completely kick butt...

Here are some pics of Ali before and after. She lost 112 pounds in 22 weeks (I think). Her initial weight was 234 pounds.

Ali @ 234 pounds and Ali @ 122 pounds

She looks amazing!

If only....if only.

Dooms Day? Not for me!

I am sooo glad I filed early and electronically.

IRS Timetable for Rebate Payments

Here’s the government’s plan for making the economic stimulus payments for taxpayers whose 2007 returns are filed and processed by April 15:

DIRECT DEPOSIT PAYMENTS
If the last two digits of your Social Security number are:	Your rebate should be sent to your bank account by:
00 - 20	May 2
21 - 75	May 9
76 - 99	May 16
PAPER CHECK
If the last two digits of your Social Security number are:	Your check should be in the mail by:
00 - 09	May 16
10 - 18	May 23
19 - 25	May 30
26 - 38	June 6
39 - 51	June 13
52 - 63	June 20
64 - 75	June 27
76 - 87	July 4
88 - 99	July 11

Courtesy of http://finance.yahoo.com/taxes/article/104827/Make-the-Most-of-Your-Tax-Rebate

I can't stop this feeling...

Gosh, I don't think I could Blog anymore today if I really wanted to. I am starting to read the book the secret (http://www.thesecret.tv/ ). Lex and I are going to compare thoughts and notes about it. I think it will be good for both of us. She also mentioned as a joke that I needed to read a book called Stop Obsessing... my first reaction: obsessing about what? Ahhh, my weight she points out.

See, lex finally just read all of my blogs last night. I obviously need to explain my obsession a little more... a while ago I read a diet book called the carbohydrates addicts diet (don't try to follow it, not a good life style choice) and one of the things the author/doctor/whatever mentioned was the idea of weighing your self everyday b/c then you see what you are averaging. So ever since I read that I have weighed myself almost every day. It becomes a little consuming but thats part of me now. Even if and when I lose the weight I want, I am sure I will still get on that damn scale everyday. Its more of a reminder than anything else. When the needle points to a number too high its like whoa buddy... gotta lay off of whatever I have been eating but when the needle goes lower its like yeah, and what biotches. It has also trained me to know pretty much how much I weigh without even getting on the scale. Its kinda scary I can guess my weight within a 2 pound difference.

Some of you might call it some kind of mild disorder. Call it what you want. I don't really care. Its not like I am making myself puke or starving myself. I couldn't deal with the permanent heartburn or the constant hunger pains. I call this my own monitoring system. I had stopped weighing myself for a while and then one day got back on and was the WTF!?!?! It was seriously the heaviest I had ever been. Since then I got back on the scale daily...

So thats my story and I am sticking to it.

Aftercare...

SUCKS!

Ugh, the only saving grace about aftercare on Mondays is that I pick up my group at 3 instead of 2. We go from the Cafeteria to the Computer Lab (3-3:30), to Recess (3:30 - 4), to Art Class (4 - 4:30), and then back to my room from free time. Its an easy day...it really is. Its just by 3 o' clock I feel exhausted and don't have the patience to get them to sit quietly to listen.

I am starving today. I ate breakfast at like 4:30 this morning and have been famished ever since and I have had snack and lunch. Ugh.

I need to buy some power bar type things to chow on before I go to the gym. I am going to head back to the gym after work today to use some machines. I should still have some energy. Then after that I shall go home and die. After I eat of course. =)

*edit* yeah, I soo am not going to the gym after work. My body is tired. I need to refuel before I start trying to go twice a day.

It's 3AM, I Must be lonely...

Well, 4:30 if you wanted to be technical. I have been up since 4 though. Can't sleep yet again. WTF. I did sleep in a little late yesterday which might contribute to my lack of Zzzz now. This is fine though. I did want to get up and go to the gym this morning. I am ready for it. At least for today. Ugh, Today is Monday. Monday = Aftercare. I am sooo over aftercare. I wouldn't dread Monday's as much if I didn't have aftercare. There is nothing like starting your work week off with a 10 - 11 hour day.

So ~ Since I left my "woe is me" blog on Saturday ~ I guess I should try to remotivate myself. I just had my breakfast ~ a Cranberry Orange Muffin and a small cup of Yoplait Yo (new yogurt for the digestive track ~ pretty yummy!). I am going to try and keep the food log thing my sister found (www.thedailyplate.com). If you haven't looked at it yet, check it out. Its pretty cool. It might contribute to the crap load of spam mail I have been getting though so if you register to it, use a junk email address.

I sat and figured out how much longer until summer vacation:
Only 52 more calendar days
or
8 weeks
or
36 school days
or
6 more Mondays! (We have one Monday off for Memorial Day!)

Thank God!

Starting from my first blog (3/4/08) I have lost -2lbs. Not too bad considering I still feel full from dinner last night (mmmm, meatloaf).

Off to the gym I go. Happy Monday Everyone!

just a thought...

I found this little tidbit today. thought it was rather funny.


"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."
Mark Twain

Change please?

I always say that I like changes and challenges in life. I always have. I used to get up in the middle of the night as kid and completely rearrange my room. My hair color has gone from pretty blond, to reddish, to a darker brown. I have worked hard for everything I have since I turned 16. Nothing comes easy and I always work my ass off for it. I wanted to go to Europe (twice), mom and dad said I had to work to pay for it. Same for my car. Clothes. Everything. I always push myself for what I want to do, see, or be. Sometimes it takes a little while for me to see the right way to do it (i.e. School) but I finish. Achieve what I want. My problem... why have I been complaining and griping for SEVEN god damn years about my weight. I dated Rocco, worked my ass off at KB Toys, and blew up. POOF! It was like over night. I have pictures from when Roc and I went to Orlando in July of 2000 and then pictures from me and him from July of 2001. WTF happened? 80 pounds. Not just 15 or 20. EIGHTY. I'll be damned if I have been able to change that. I have tried but just not hard enough. I lose 10 or 15 and gain it right back. I am not supposed to be like this.

Why is it I can change everything else in my life but this. I have changed careers, majors, friends, boyfriends, outlooks on things but I'll be damned if I can change the way I think or feel about myself to actually do anything about it. It doesn't matter who offers concerns or opinions. Nothing seems to help. What kind of motivation do I need. I have tried to use a friendly competition with a friend who needed to lose weight too. I have tried to blog about it. I even had a guy tell me I was too overweight for him to date and even THAT did nothing for me. Yeah I might have lost a few pounds but really nothing significant. What do I need to find to push myself. I am so tired of sitting in front of my half empty closet feeling disgusting b/c I am sooo tired of the same fucking clothes and not being able to go shopping to find what I like. I have every resource I need. I have a FREE gym membership, an elliptical at home, I know how to eat properly but yet I still sit. Think, well, I could go to the gym right now but I'm too tired (or whatever the reason is).

I mean, its not just the fact that I'm overweight that bothers me. Its the potential health problems. I look at my family and it worries me. Heart Disease, Cancers, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure. I don't want to be 35 with diabetes or 40 having a heart attack. My gyno has already told me I will more than likely have to go on fertility drugs b/c I have PCOS. I have this allergic reaction to god knows what (for the last seven years - interesting maybe I'm allergic to being fat?).

What do I do. How do I stay motivated. I just want to look in the mirror and feel better about myself or go for a walk and feel invigorated rather than exhausted.

Fun Friday?

I am soo glad it is finally Friday. This week has taken forever to go by. I welcome my nice snuggly bed after my errands today. Maybe I'll even go to blockbuster and go home happy.

She works hard for her money....

Forty. Two. More. Days.

Today is the start of 4th quarter. This year will be wrapping up very quickly. The anticipation of finding out what I am going to teach next year is going to kill me. I think that may be aiding in my lack of sleep. Today went surprisingly smooth with the schedule change except that I don't think I am going to dig my new lunch crew. Luckily Lex and Tree are there but there are "others" that just drive me loco ~ I just want to be like sorry hun ~ your not part of the cool kids, please don't sit at our table. *sigh*

My day is a little over halfway done.

• Work a
• Earth Rangers a
• Aftercare a
• SAC Meeting
• PTA Meeting

I just want to go home and crawl into bed. I had another night of little sleep.

Newest Drama on NBC

Sometimes I just feel as though my life is some bad after school special on TV. There is so much drama constantly going on around me that I'm surprised more people just don't tune in to watch the carnage. As of today, this series is cancelled. I don't care if the ratings bottom out, I'm ready for some happy-go-lucky sitcom from ABC family or Nick at Nite. Seriously...

Changes to be made:

• Luke's - DONE! No more Nick, no more drama, Nada! F Him and the shitty Honda he rode in on.
• Bars in General - Once a week, like Fridays (but no Cagney's, Luke's, or otherwise). Time to go a little more upscale and meet quality people.
• Friends - the ones I really want to talk to will receive my phone calls ~ because they APPRECIATE me.
• Home - cleanliness matters!
• Relationship - That's between me and him ~ If I want you to know, you will know.

I have relied on too many people for too many things in life to try and seal in happiness. Screw it.

Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient. ~ Aristotle

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life. ~ Leo Buscaglia

I guess you'll do...

Life in a nutshell? Maybe, maybe not.

Spring Break part Dos

I really have nothing too interesting to discuss...just felt like typing really. It's 12:30 am and I am waiting for Aud to call. She is having the first official run-in with N since the incident of which he referred to me as whore 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, he doesn't wear jealously very well.

I got over here to Inverness on Monday evening. I really didn't want to leave NSB. I have to admit I really enjoy Craig's company. This whole long-distance thing is going to be weird for a bit. I mean we are both going to be so busy the next month or so I really don't think we will have a chance to see each other. It kind of bums me out. It should balance out a little bit once summer starts but thats not until June 5th.

On Tuesday, the family drove down to Englewood. All six of us piled into the car and drove (what Joi and I thought was 1.5 hours) 3 hours to check out a couple vacation spots for the 4th of July. Everything we looked at were either too small or unavailable which kind of sucked. Englewood was a neat little area. It is a hell of a lot closer than Cape San Blas (where we went to last year). I would prefer somewhere on the east coast closer to the St. Augustine Area but my dad wants to fish in the gulf. Its too bad we can't alternate coasts each year. Oh well.

I am leaving to come home sometime tomorrow. I haven't worked out my plan yet so I don't know if I will be home for Karaoke yet or not. All I know is that I MUST be home for the repairman Friday morning. Its time to fix that stupid dripping faucet. Its about time! Audrey and I are going to the Say Anything concert at Revolution Friday night. I am very excited. This is her b-day present from me. I am stoked.

Enough of my endless ramblings. MAybe I can catch some Baseball highlights on Sports Center.