Dazzle Who?

moving...

2008-04-16T20:42:00.001-04:00

I am moving my blog to...

http://maebh93.wordpress.com/

Please come and visit me there.

much love!

I'm a loser baby!

2008-04-15T23:29:00.005-04:00

So, I watched the season finale of the Biggest Loser and have to admit I teared up. It is soo uplifting to watch these people completely reshape their bodies. I am glad Ali won. She worked so hard, especially considering she was voted off the show only a few weeks into it and still kept at it at home to earn her spot back at the camp. I wish I had the opportunity. I would completely kick butt...

Here are some pics of Ali before and after. She lost 112 pounds in 22 weeks (I think). Her initial weight was 234 pounds.

Ali @ 234 pounds and Ali @ 122 pounds

She looks amazing!

If only....if only.

Dooms Day? Not for me!

2008-04-15T09:42:00.002-04:00

I am sooo glad I filed early and electronically.

IRS Timetable for Rebate Payments

Here’s the government’s plan for making the economic stimulus payments for taxpayers whose 2007 returns are filed and processed by April 15:

DIRECT DEPOSIT PAYMENTS
If the last two digits of your Social Security number are:	Your rebate should be sent to your bank account by:
00 - 20	May 2
21 - 75	May 9
76 - 99	May 16
PAPER CHECK
If the last two digits of your Social Security number are:	Your check should be in the mail by:
00 - 09	May 16
10 - 18	May 23
19 - 25	May 30
26 - 38	June 6
39 - 51	June 13
52 - 63	June 20
64 - 75	June 27
76 - 87	July 4
88 - 99	July 11

Courtesy of http://finance.yahoo.com/taxes/article/104827/Make-the-Most-of-Your-Tax-Rebate

I can't stop this feeling...

2008-04-14T22:58:00.002-04:00

Gosh, I don't think I could Blog anymore today if I really wanted to. I am starting to read the book the secret (http://www.thesecret.tv/ ). Lex and I are going to compare thoughts and notes about it. I think it will be good for both of us. She also mentioned as a joke that I needed to read a book called Stop Obsessing... my first reaction: obsessing about what? Ahhh, my weight she points out.

See, lex finally just read all of my blogs last night. I obviously need to explain my obsession a little more... a while ago I read a diet book called the carbohydrates addicts diet (don't try to follow it, not a good life style choice) and one of the things the author/doctor/whatever mentioned was the idea of weighing your self everyday b/c then you see what you are averaging. So ever since I read that I have weighed myself almost every day. It becomes a little consuming but thats part of me now. Even if and when I lose the weight I want, I am sure I will still get on that damn scale everyday. Its more of a reminder than anything else. When the needle points to a number too high its like whoa buddy... gotta lay off of whatever I have been eating but when the needle goes lower its like yeah, and what biotches. It has also trained me to know pretty much how much I weigh without even getting on the scale. Its kinda scary I can guess my weight within a 2 pound difference.

Some of you might call it some kind of mild disorder. Call it what you want. I don't really care. Its not like I am making myself puke or starving myself. I couldn't deal with the permanent heartburn or the constant hunger pains. I call this my own monitoring system. I had stopped weighing myself for a while and then one day got back on and was the WTF!?!?! It was seriously the heaviest I had ever been. Since then I got back on the scale daily...

So thats my story and I am sticking to it.

Aftercare...

2008-04-14T15:16:00.003-04:00

SUCKS!

Ugh, the only saving grace about aftercare on Mondays is that I pick up my group at 3 instead of 2. We go from the Cafeteria to the Computer Lab (3-3:30), to Recess (3:30 - 4), to Art Class (4 - 4:30), and then back to my room from free time. Its an easy day...it really is. Its just by 3 o' clock I feel exhausted and don't have the patience to get them to sit quietly to listen.

I am starving today. I ate breakfast at like 4:30 this morning and have been famished ever since and I have had snack and lunch. Ugh.

I need to buy some power bar type things to chow on before I go to the gym. I am going to head back to the gym after work today to use some machines. I should still have some energy. Then after that I shall go home and die. After I eat of course. =)

*edit* yeah, I soo am not going to the gym after work. My body is tired. I need to refuel before I start trying to go twice a day.

It's 3AM, I Must be lonely...

2008-04-14T04:32:00.002-04:00

Well, 4:30 if you wanted to be technical. I have been up since 4 though. Can't sleep yet again. WTF. I did sleep in a little late yesterday which might contribute to my lack of Zzzz now. This is fine though. I did want to get up and go to the gym this morning. I am ready for it. At least for today. Ugh, Today is Monday. Monday = Aftercare. I am sooo over aftercare. I wouldn't dread Monday's as much if I didn't have aftercare. There is nothing like starting your work week off with a 10 - 11 hour day.

So ~ Since I left my "woe is me" blog on Saturday ~ I guess I should try to remotivate myself. I just had my breakfast ~ a Cranberry Orange Muffin and a small cup of Yoplait Yo (new yogurt for the digestive track ~ pretty yummy!). I am going to try and keep the food log thing my sister found (www.thedailyplate.com). If you haven't looked at it yet, check it out. Its pretty cool. It might contribute to the crap load of spam mail I have been getting though so if you register to it, use a junk email address.

I sat and figured out how much longer until summer vacation:
Only 52 more calendar days
or
8 weeks
or
36 school days
or
6 more Mondays! (We have one Monday off for Memorial Day!)

Thank God!

Starting from my first blog (3/4/08) I have lost -2lbs. Not too bad considering I still feel full from dinner last night (mmmm, meatloaf).

Off to the gym I go. Happy Monday Everyone!

just a thought...

2008-04-13T11:14:00.001-04:00

I found this little tidbit today. thought it was rather funny.

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."
Mark Twain

Change please?

2008-04-12T08:56:00.005-04:00

I always say that I like changes and challenges in life. I always have. I used to get up in the middle of the night as kid and completely rearrange my room. My hair color has gone from pretty blond, to reddish, to a darker brown. I have worked hard for everything I have since I turned 16. Nothing comes easy and I always work my ass off for it. I wanted to go to Europe (twice), mom and dad said I had to work to pay for it. Same for my car. Clothes. Everything. I always push myself for what I want to do, see, or be. Sometimes it takes a little while for me to see the right way to do it (i.e. School) but I finish. Achieve what I want. My problem... why have I been complaining and griping for SEVEN god damn years about my weight. I dated Rocco, worked my ass off at KB Toys, and blew up. POOF! It was like over night. I have pictures from when Roc and I went to Orlando in July of 2000 and then pictures from me and him from July of 2001. WTF happened? 80 pounds. Not just 15 or 20. EIGHTY. I'll be damned if I have been able to change that. I have tried but just not hard enough. I lose 10 or 15 and gain it right back. I am not supposed to be like this.

Why is it I can change everything else in my life but this. I have changed careers, majors, friends, boyfriends, outlooks on things but I'll be damned if I can change the way I think or feel about myself to actually do anything about it. It doesn't matter who offers concerns or opinions. Nothing seems to help. What kind of motivation do I need. I have tried to use a friendly competition with a friend who needed to lose weight too. I have tried to blog about it. I even had a guy tell me I was too overweight for him to date and even THAT did nothing for me. Yeah I might have lost a few pounds but really nothing significant. What do I need to find to push myself. I am so tired of sitting in front of my half empty closet feeling disgusting b/c I am sooo tired of the same fucking clothes and not being able to go shopping to find what I like. I have every resource I need. I have a FREE gym membership, an elliptical at home, I know how to eat properly but yet I still sit. Think, well, I could go to the gym right now but I'm too tired (or whatever the reason is).

I mean, its not just the fact that I'm overweight that bothers me. Its the potential health problems. I look at my family and it worries me. Heart Disease, Cancers, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure. I don't want to be 35 with diabetes or 40 having a heart attack. My gyno has already told me I will more than likely have to go on fertility drugs b/c I have PCOS. I have this allergic reaction to god knows what (for the last seven years - interesting maybe I'm allergic to being fat?).

What do I do. How do I stay motivated. I just want to look in the mirror and feel better about myself or go for a walk and feel invigorated rather than exhausted.

Fun Friday?

2008-04-11T13:23:00.002-04:00

I am soo glad it is finally Friday. This week has taken forever to go by. I welcome my nice snuggly bed after my errands today. Maybe I'll even go to blockbuster and go home happy.

She works hard for her money....

2008-04-07T15:17:00.002-04:00

Forty. Two. More. Days.

Today is the start of 4th quarter. This year will be wrapping up very quickly. The anticipation of finding out what I am going to teach next year is going to kill me. I think that may be aiding in my lack of sleep. Today went surprisingly smooth with the schedule change except that I don't think I am going to dig my new lunch crew. Luckily Lex and Tree are there but there are "others" that just drive me loco ~ I just want to be like sorry hun ~ your not part of the cool kids, please don't sit at our table. *sigh*

My day is a little over halfway done.

Work a
Earth Rangers a
Aftercare a
SAC Meeting
PTA Meeting

I just want to go home and crawl into bed. I had another night of little sleep.

Newest Drama on NBC

2008-04-06T13:09:00.006-04:00

Sometimes I just feel as though my life is some bad after school special on TV. There is so much drama constantly going on around me that I'm surprised more people just don't tune in to watch the carnage. As of today, this series is cancelled. I don't care if the ratings bottom out, I'm ready for some happy-go-lucky sitcom from ABC family or Nick at Nite. Seriously...

Changes to be made:

Luke's - DONE! No more Nick, no more drama, Nada! F Him and the shitty Honda he rode in on.
Bars in General - Once a week, like Fridays (but no Cagney's, Luke's, or otherwise). Time to go a little more upscale and meet quality people.
Friends - the ones I really want to talk to will receive my phone calls ~ because they APPRECIATE me.
Home - cleanliness matters!
Relationship - That's between me and him ~ If I want you to know, you will know.

I have relied on too many people for too many things in life to try and seal in happiness. Screw it.

Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient. ~ Aristotle

What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life. ~ Leo Buscaglia

I guess you'll do...

2008-04-06T04:27:00.001-04:00

Life in a nutshell? Maybe, maybe not.

Spring Break part Dos

2008-04-03T00:37:00.003-04:00

I really have nothing too interesting to discuss...just felt like typing really. It's 12:30 am and I am waiting for Aud to call. She is having the first official run-in with N since the incident of which he referred to me as whore 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, he doesn't wear jealously very well.

I got over here to Inverness on Monday evening. I really didn't want to leave NSB. I have to admit I really enjoy Craig's company. This whole long-distance thing is going to be weird for a bit. I mean we are both going to be so busy the next month or so I really don't think we will have a chance to see each other. It kind of bums me out. It should balance out a little bit once summer starts but thats not until June 5th.

On Tuesday, the family drove down to Englewood. All six of us piled into the car and drove (what Joi and I thought was 1.5 hours) 3 hours to check out a couple vacation spots for the 4th of July. Everything we looked at were either too small or unavailable which kind of sucked. Englewood was a neat little area. It is a hell of a lot closer than Cape San Blas (where we went to last year). I would prefer somewhere on the east coast closer to the St. Augustine Area but my dad wants to fish in the gulf. Its too bad we can't alternate coasts each year. Oh well.

I am leaving to come home sometime tomorrow. I haven't worked out my plan yet so I don't know if I will be home for Karaoke yet or not. All I know is that I MUST be home for the repairman Friday morning. Its time to fix that stupid dripping faucet. Its about time! Audrey and I are going to the Say Anything concert at Revolution Friday night. I am very excited. This is her b-day present from me. I am stoked.

Enough of my endless ramblings. MAybe I can catch some Baseball highlights on Sports Center.

Spring Break

2008-03-30T18:51:00.002-04:00

Today is day 3 of Spring Break ~ no complaints so far!

I got up to NSB Friday night. We went to dinner, had a couple drinks after dinner. We ended up going to this place called Moe's Longue and had a good night. Yesterday was lunch, drinks, dinner, more drinks. Craig decided to go out dressed like a freaking clown. He had on a pair of khaki pants, a pink and white striped polo and a MINT green sportscoat. He looked like a an old man. It doesn't help that he has a NSB yahct club plate on the front of the car luke all the other old people around here. So we went to a total biker bar. We ended up talking to some total rough neck that wanted to borrow his car to go on some kind of "run" and we could borrow his motorcycle.... UM NO! The Old Lady's gotta say no now. So we ended up coming home shortly there afte and having a nice time at home. Fortunately I have not comsumed as much vodka as I did last time I was here. I haven't made a complete fool out of myself. Today was a relaxing day at home, errands, and a little snack and drinks at some pub. I will prolly leave tomorrow to go to my parents and be home in FTL Thursday evening.

Grey's Anatomy/My So-Called Life

2008-03-26T23:41:00.004-04:00

So I finally watched the last 2 epi's of Grey's from November and December ( the 2-part Crash into you shows). First of all I am very disappointed that Grey's isn't returning until freaking 4/24/08. Why even come back this season, I mean seriously. Seriously, Seriously!!! I found the episolde's mildly entertaining. I did cry. Sad...very sad.

I then found myself watching an episode of My So-Called Life that ABC has on their player. I forgot how much I loved that show (um, Hello! Jared Leto!!!! So hot). I think I will order the 6-disc DVD set off amazon.

Today was such a crappy day at work. It was nice to just sit infront of my computer and veg, catching up on my missed TV programs. 1/2 tomorrow with kids then break will be upon us.

Wacky Wednesday

2008-03-26T06:21:00.003-04:00

I can feel it. Today is going to be a nonstop day. I have so much to do at work befroe the kids go on Spring Break.Science fair project ~ Report Cards ~ Curriculum Calendars ~ Tiding my room ~ Lesson PLans... I am sure there is more! Only 2 more days until vaca...I wonder what time we will be getting out of work on Friday. I surely hope its early.

Can't I just crawl back in to bed and wake up tomorrow? UGH!

What a week!!!

2008-03-22T18:49:00.002-04:00

I am very happy to say this week is over so that next week can hurry up and get here. I had a fabulous St. Patrick's day weekend filled with friends, family and fun! Ofcourse the family I am referring to are my BFF's! Friday and Saturday were a little shakey but it all got ironed out with a good dose of "I don't know who you think you are talking to like that but it sure as hell ain't me!." Sunday was a relaxing day of movies, dinner and sleep.

St. Pat's was great ~ little drink here, little drink there. Hit up 5 bars and made it home be midnight not trashed! Might have been all the corned beef though. I was introduced to a new flavor called Jameson, quite tastey. Tuesday I was off from work also ~ ran errands, hung out. Very relaxing!

Back to work wednesday and Thursday, nothing special there but my appearance at Karaoke at Lukes! Hadn't been to Karaoke for quite some time. Couple of non-karaokiers came out to support. That leads up to today, Saturday with nothing to do, anxiously waiting for next weekend so I can head back up to NSB and visit a friend. Yay for Spring break. Only 46 more days of school left!!!!!

word vomit anyone?

2008-03-15T18:06:00.002-04:00

I seem to have a small problem...its called diarrhea of the mouth. I just say too much sometimes and am too honest and it does nothing but bite me in the butt. Whoever said honest is the best policy obviously was a liar.

Happy Monday!

2008-03-10T06:38:00.002-04:00

Well, I should totally be in the shower getting ready for work. This weekend was a very enjoyable, successful one. I guess you could say I managed to get everything done I wanted to. On saturday evening, I visited a friend of mine not in the area and had a great time. Hopefully I will see him again soon. =)~ Yesterday was just as relaxing as a sunday could be.

I did go ff my diet for like 2 meals over the weekend and consumed a ridiculous amount of vodka but according to my scale I did not gain anything back. Thank god! Back to the gym tomorrow!!! Gotta get ready for St. Patty's Day. Green beer anyone?

Total weight loss as of 3/10 -6 lbs.

interesting

2008-03-07T10:52:00.003-05:00

So below you will find my horoscope for today. Alot of time I don't really follow along with what t says but for those of you that really know me and know whats going on I think you will find it very fitting.

Leo ~ March 7, 2008
"It may be time to reassess a complex relationship that involves jointly held resources. You may even need to remove yourself from the situation in order to gain control of your life. But letting go of an attachment may not be easy, even with your newly discovered strength. Make the most of this moment, for it will probably be harder if you don't take action today."

Total weight loss -6lbs ~WOOT~

Cyanide and Happiness

2008-03-06T16:33:00.002-05:00

I love these guys. If you don't know who these stick figures are, you definitely need to go and check out their page. Check under my random links for it.

Project Runway

2008-03-06T08:40:00.003-05:00

He did it. In all of his fierce glory. I guess you could say I'm glad. He definitely has a whole different perspective on fashion and he really was a joy to watch this season.

who knew...

2008-03-05T12:55:00.001-05:00

So I have stuck to my mission so far. I got up and went to the gym again this morning. I need a stupid IPOD arm band thing. I went to target last night to buy one and ofcourse they don't have one for my type of ipod. So I am going to the apple store today after work to get one. I need to sit down and make a good play list for working out. The music really helps. I can't wait to see and feel results. It should really only take like 2 weeks before I can reintroduce some clothes into my wardrobe. The beginning weight usually comes off pretty quickly. I am however going to the MAC store today to buy some new makeup. I have a gift card that I am just dying to use. I can't wait. I love makeup!

I have to admit that I am a bit psycho and I do weigh myself everyday.

weight loss as of 3/5: -4 lbs

WOOT!

new day, new beginnings

2008-03-04T12:35:00.001-05:00

Each day is a chance to start over right? Then why not start over. Until you finally get it right. Thats what I am hoping to achieve here. I am trying to start a new path (yet again) but I think this time just might be different. I almost feel optimistic about it. I am trying to get rid of the ugly in my life whether its people or habits or just thoughts.

I woke up yesterday with the weirdest thought, I WANT to go to the gym. It wasn't like a premeditated thing, I jsut wanted to go. It was soo weird. So, I went to the gym then came home and left for work by 6:55. That also NEVER happens. I had enoguh time to go to publix and go food shopping for the week and I bought healthier foods to start a diet. I guess I figured if i want to exercise there must be something to accompany it. So, that was it. i started on my trekk to weight loss again. But i really feel this time it might be a little more permanent and important to me.

So, as of 3/3/08 ~ total weight loss 0 lbs.